You make me brave

During our bible study the other day we listened to the song "you make me brave" http://youtu.be/6Hi-VMxT6fc

and the question was asked. "What's your favorite line or statement in the song". I love that because each of us walks a differnt path each day, we each hear and need to hear a differnt promise from the Lord  for OUR situation. He's so good to speak to us individually too, so don't ever be afraid to ask Him for insight or direction. Here are a few I really liked and wanted to share. 

-"He draws us into the water"

Do you trust God enough to step into the deep with Him? “You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did.”

James 2:22 NIV

http://bible.com/111/jas.2.22.niv

- "Your love,Wave after wave"

The Lord doesn't just help you once or speak to you once He comes wave after wave soaking you in His presence. He's faithful to complete His work in you. 

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.””

Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV

http://bible.com/111/deu.31.8.niv

-"You are FOR me, you are not against me"

He is always at battle for you! His one desire is that you and your generations come to serve Him. He layed down His life to save yours despite what you have done or will do. “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.””

Exodus 14:14 NIV

http://bible.com/111/exo.14.14.niv

-"You made a way for All to enter in"

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”

John 3:16-17 NIV

http://bible.com/111/jhn.3.16-17.niv

Just some promises for the day. He loves us so much, His desire is for us to love Him in return. Trust God and watch Him pour His love on you Wave after Wave! 

The Super Six!

We used to call ourselves the "Fab Five" but we added a little tiny super human to our family so we are now the "Super Six" and I think the last 12 months have given us the right to use the name. 

My husband Jonathan and I have been together for 15 yrs married for 13 yr this coming December. We've experienced jobs,pregnancy, fires, remodels, miscarriage, death, injury, and health issues. We have only become closer to each other and to the Lord through it all. 

“They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.”

Luke 6:48 NIV

We know you can not withstand the storms if you don't have a firm foundation in Gods words and faith in His promises. Does that mean we never waiver? Or shake? Absolutely not! We talk, we cry, and we wonder Lord why us again? But we KNOW He's there with us. We lean on His word and speak it out. 

“If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

1 Peter 4:11 NIV

We are to be the kingdom on earth, an example to those who don't know the Lord through any and all trials and walks of our lives. 

In the last 12 months, our family has experienced the most trama we've had as a whole, and through it all we've grabbed hold of each other (family first) our friends and family, and the Lord ( our sure foundation). 

Our lives arnt perfect, God never promised us perfect lives, He promised us He would never leave our side. 

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.””

Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV

I hope this encourages you today. We havnt walked out this experience completely yet, but we are walking it out hand in hand with each other and the Lord and I encourage you to do the same in your trial. I'm a big believer in this fact: You can't live your fullest, happiest, blessed life without the Third strand in the chord. Trials will come and hurt will happen but you can have hope and peace! 

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Ecclesiastes 4:12 NIV 

Blessings on you today! 

What I would say

As I've had some days to myself to think and reflect and dwell on things of today and of the past, I have some thoughts and some feelings id like to share and get down on paper. Things that I think everyday but often forget to say out loud. Words that I think would be a shame to never have said or have been heard. 

Judah Lee Anthony Syphard- I love you so much more than I can express with words. You have been such a joy to me from the moment you were born. Tiny and early and causing our world to turn upside down in a moment you changed us for the better and made me a mommy which was my life's dream! You were a typical first born and have continued to be an amazing big brother and young man. Your love for your family and the Lord is exactly what I had hoped for you for all your days. I pray for you daily that you'll walk with the Lord, trust Him and know that His love for you is all consuming and never ending. You have a gifting and a calling that I pray you walk out all the days of your life. 

Chase Carolee Evalyn Syphard- the brightest of lights in my life! You are beautiful inside and out. I say it all the time but it's so true, you are everything I wish I could be and I'm so absolutely greatful the Lord gave you to me. You are the sunshine in the darkness and the smile to a sad day. You are a gift to me and to our family. I pray you keep loving life and living for Jesus all the days of your life! Never forget He loves you and will love you no matter what. You are a beautiful girl who will someday soon be a women and I pray you expect nothing but Gods best for yourself and that you hold on to your dreams and find someone who will make them happen with you. You will do great things! 

Malachi Ethan James Syphard- oh buggy, how you changed my days. You came in to our family a big smiley pile of tears. Crying and barfing and giant belly buttons, you were the cutest hardest baby I had ever had. You also were the cuddliest and I took every chance I could to enjoy those cuddles. I love that you still at 5 1/2yrs hold my hand while I try to take a nap. You run out during a commercial just to give me a kiss. I love you and your physical touch needs as they are perfect for your physical touch momma. You are by far the funniest kid I know! You make us laugh every single day and we need that happy boy. Please know and remeber God created you the way you are! He loves you even more than I do and He always will. God has great plans for you buggy and I pray you hear and listen to His voice all the days of your life. 

Charlotte Jordan Grace Syphard- we don't know your personality yet, but we know you have a great smile. You love talking with us and to us and watching the family move about the space. You desire to be right in the middle where I believe you belong. You've been a blessing to me while I get through this season and it's so true how our family feels like you've been here all along. I love you and desire the very best for you. I can not wait to see what the Lord has in store for you!

Jonathan David Syphard- why didn't your mom give you three names?;)

You are truly the Love of my Life! My earliest memories are of wanting to be your girl, following you around, longing to wear your sweatshirt. I even carried your golf bag for you! You have a way of making me want to be more and do more. You challenge me to live the life God wants for me. Your my perfect team mate. You are the other half of me and I honestly can't imagine living life with anyone else. 

You are so strong and have put up with so much you shouldn't have too in your 32 yrs. I want you to know that you saved my life 15 yrs ago, I know I've told you that before, but you did. You took a chance on this onry girl, and you've given her so much. The Lord put us together f ad I can't imagine my life without you in it. You are one of a kind Jonathan syphard and I LOVE you so much! 

OLLIE

We are a GKGW family and have been since our first son was born 12yrs ago next month. If you don't know what GKGW is, it's similar to "Baby Wise" or an easier way to explain it, is that it's a teaching and training corse on parenting from birth to adulthood. We LOVE it! It's scheduling,wisdom, help, encouragement, and so much more. Anyway... We have always done the scheduling of our newborns eat/wake/sleep and believe that it is the best form for our family to function as smoothly as possible. Well 7wks ago we added our fourth beautiful child to our family and have put her on a schedule and she's doing great. Sleeping 5 hrs a night at this point, which i felt was exceptable for her age and size. Well my best friend works for a company that sells a baby swaddled, "the Ollie swaddle" and I was a fan from the beginning because I have also always swaddled my newborns until they can't handle it anymore. Well I was treating this swaddle just like I treated all my other easy swaddles☺️ until my best friend came over and tightened it, put my babies arm in this perticular spot and then layed her down where she then slept each and every nap that day to the fullest without a cry or a peep. And to our amazement added TWO FULL HRS to her night time sleep (7hrs at 7wks) for the next two days. I believe it is our new regular and I was blown away that a blanket could help that much. 

Now I do think that our babies eat/wake/sleep schedule allows her to have the ruteine and schedule she needs for us to know when she's in distress or not, and to help her when and how she needs it. But this very easy, breathable,non sweating, super cute swaddle system has added even more depth to our sleep system and I'm SUPER greatful and thankful for it. 

I would encourage any new or veteran mom to invest in this perticular swaddle and I will be buying them as baby shower gifts for sure! 

http://theollieworld.com/

Also seen in this picture one of my favorite fourth baby items is the Milksnob car seat cover which is also a perfect nursing cover on the go.

Www.milksnob.com 

Awkward and Awesome!

I'm going to totally steal a friends blogging title (www.jodalamode@blogspot.com) because as I've been sitting and thinking about what to tittle my blog today and it's the only thing that captures it well. You'll probably think I'm crazy when we're done but OH WELL....😜

Hello! My name is Cassi and I am a wife and mother of four beautiful children, my fourth child was born just 6wks ago. It was by far my most amazing, enjoyable, healthiest pregnancy and delivery of all my kids. I have intended to blog about that, but have been to busy. But back to our story today, this past week I had a post partum appointment scheduled for an IUD placement. I have had this same IUD four other times and have had no issues with it, I have also had the same doctor for the last ten years and wouldn't trade her for nothing..... My appointment was un eventful. Everything went as planned and I put my pants back on and headed down the street to grab diapers at Target (I am in love with their Up&Up brand). 

Let's be real, who goes into Target and only gets the ONE item they have on their list?! Not me, not you. So my cart pretty much looked and felt like this. 

As I was wondering around in each department, I started to feel little drips in my panties😁😳 I felt like a pregnant person and texted my two best friends making fun of myself for obviously having an issue post birth that I hadn't dealt with during pregnancy. I continued to wander the store and with each step I felt more drips and they got heavier, I honestly thought that they had broke me and I was uncontrollably peeing my pants, let's just saw AWKWARD! I have a cart full of random and important objects, a car seat with a sleeping newborn, a diaper bag and boxes of diapers, my cart was full and my mind was frazzled. Did I think to leave the cart and go to the restroom? NO I did not, I don't know why, I just didn't. What I was thinking was OMG this is embarrassing, I'm peeing my pants and everyone is going to see and I have no where to hide. So I did what all women would do, reach my hand down to feel just how wet I really am.. My fingures were bloody, 😩 why didn't I think of that! Now I'm mortified. I have to weave my way to the front of the store and pay and leave asap. But as I get there and I'm standing in line I can not stop the flow that I feel dropping. This is AWKWARD, AND CRAZY. So again like any silly girl would do, I ask the cashier for help, PLEASE can you grab me some yoga pants from the section right behind us, I'll pay anything, I just can't move! So she has a manager come help her (she wasn't allowed to leave her station) and I pay for my cart full of UN NECCISARY items before I head to the bathrooms. Bathrooms that are NOT designed for a shopping cart full of items and baby car seats😳 but I have no choice, so I stand in line for the biggest stall and wait......

 What I find is startaling. I'm hemoraging. Bleeding uncontrollably, blood clots and in scary amounts. So I clean up, change into my new yoga pants and head out the store. Baby is now screaming, it's her lunch time, I'm now slightly freaked out and I unload all of target into my car, grab the baby, feed her, and call the doctor. They of course say please safely find a way back to us. I call my amazing husband who stays on the phone with me till I arrive at the doctors office where they determine that I am indeed bleeding, but can't find why, or from where. My IUD is taken out and I'm asked to lay down till the bleeding stops. After two hrs it doesn't stop, so they determine that I need to go tot the ER where they can help me if further help is needed while my body calms down. 

While in the ER I continue to loose huge amounts of blood, while talking with the nurses and doctors, feeding my baby, and making arrangements for my other children who I will now not be home on time to help after school. Though many people came in to inspect and help, no one was able to determine what was wrong nor help it stop, I was then asked to sign papers for an OR (operating room) procedure, they said it would take one hr, then an hr in the recovery room and home we would go! 

Sweet, home sounds great. 

While I was in the OR, I underwent three procedures instead of one, and I was under for three hrs instead of one. My husband had the baby and had to endure the scariest moments of his life, for that I am sad. The doctors had to explaine to us the next day in recovery that they have no clue WHAT exactly happened, they only have a guess that my IUD nicked an artery or vessel on my uterus, but they have no way of knowing for sure. They tried two different balloon systems and a DNC while in surgery, non of those procedures worked and they finally were able to stop the bleeding with what they described as "toothpaste" and some carterization. I was informed that this is all very delicate and unknown and they're hope is that I will scab over and heal on my own, but the chances of busting open in the next few days was possible, and with that they gave me the AWESOME miracle of living and being on the hospitals "watch list" my name is on the boards and all the doctors have been informed of what to do if I come in again. The lord spared my life on Thursday September 10th, 2015. I was somehow completely coherent and receptive, breastfeeding, and talking while I was bleeding my body's amount of blood and no one was aware of how serious it really was until the end. I've been placed on strict bed rest in hopes that my "toothpaste" will hold😁 I get to be home with my family and continue to be the mother to my beautiful children. Although I am having some slight side effects of going through this, overall it's nothing compared to what it could have been. 

 That is my AWKWARD & AWESOME! The moral of the story is that I'm not allowed to get an IUD and now it's up to my hubby to "fix" the baby making issue😜 

I believe having Charlie with me helped my body: 

- nursing causes your uterus to contract which helped bring it into line

- having a baby that relied on me every three hrs kept my focus on her and feeding and not on being scared or nervous at all. 

My boring and dark recovery room, where I got monitored every hour through the night.

The labor and delivery newborn bed we had to borrow for Charlie to sleep in. 

The funniest part is that she's still so little that everyone kept congratulating us on having a baby👏 I guess a mom in the hospital and a newborn can make you think that. 

Today while we sit in bed and recover together, she smiled for the camera. 

We serve a BIG God, and His provision for my family is very anything short of what we need. Blessings on you today! 

Baby Charlie

Almost four weeks home with our baby girl and life is still moving at a 3hr pace. We have always put our kids on a schedule and believe it is a huge benefit to the baby and the family. 

Charlie is a great eater gaining lbs as we go. Started off so small (5.6 full term) and weighed 6.4 at her three week mark. Getting her out of preemie clothes and into these baggy newborn clothes lol.

 She honestly and absolutely knows and loves to listen to my voice. When I talk she finds me in the room, when I'm holding her she just stairs into my eyes and listens. 

 Charlotte is the baby of four kids. Her oldest brother (11) constantly wants to know where she is and if she's ok but is slightly nervous to do the holding. 

Her big sister (8) is a little mommy when it comes to holding, helping, watching, stocking but hasn't tackled diapers yet?! 

Her other brother, the littlest of the pack until her (5) has very little desire for her until bedtime then wants to kiss her. He did however get to fulfill his dreams of giving her her first bottle when it was time to introduce it. 

  School hasn't started yet and I'm soooo very greatful to have my kids home with me for one last week. More because I love having them home, but also because it gave us four full weeks to conquer life with four before the chaos begins! 

Here's a peek of what we've been up to this summer break with baby. 

-walks, LOTS of walks...

-friends! LOTS of friends... 

I had the great opportunity to be pregnant and have babies with these lovely ladies. Prayer and believing to once be pregnant with my best friend came true!!

Finley 6mnths 

Nora and Charlie were born less than 24hrs apart! 

The rest are for fun- blessings on you and your day! 

Charlie is thin and tiny- 2.5wks

But with the right angles we can make her look HUGE! Lol 3.5wks

Bath time is her Happy Place- 

The best

So you know those moments when your littles start a conversation and no matter what's going on around you, you know it's gana be a good one so you take the time to listen and converse.. 

Today during worship (not an appropriate time) my youngest child Malachi who is my lover, touchy, feely, kiss you innapropriatly, want to get married right now child, he looks over at his big cousin Miranda, who is 18 and he's watching her worship and he says to me " Miranda is big now, she needs to get married" I said "well she will get married someday but she has to find a good Godly man first" and so he takes his time and looks around like he's searching church for this Godly man. He says " well he needs to be big, not little, and he needs to be a boy, not a girl, cause she's a girl" and I said " yes of course, your right he does" 

He then says " I know mom, I know who she should marry! The president!!" 

I told him " well buddy the president is already married, but that's a very nice idea" 

I learned a few things today: 

1- my son CARES about his family ( he loves you Miranda) 

2- he knows she deserves the Best! In his eyes the president is the highest, the best, an adult who would be good for her. (Even though we know there's much better out there for her) 

3- he has learned the biblical design for marriage, that what we say, and what we show is important because he's watching and listening always... 

Miranda we love you, and God has big things for you, bigger than the president! You have purpose and drive and no matter what comes your way, when you walk with the Lord He will direct your path and even the little people in your life care what decisions you make. 

Baby shower

Love me some baby! But when the baby is going to be yours it's even better! This past weekend I got to sit and enjoy one of the cutest baby showers I've ever seen, lots of friends and family, and yummy treats and cake. All for ME! That part always makes me nervous but the setting was so layed back and outdoors that everyone just enjoyed each other and I felt no pressure to make a certain face per gift I opened ( truth, awkward face when you don't like a gift) 

My two best friends and sister threw me a beautiful and simple summer shower and I couldn't have been happier or more blessed. 

Enjoying this fourth pregnancy with my close friend Kourtney and my sister Kaylyn is pretty cool too- Kourtney and I shared a pregnancy with my third, her first child. It's been 6 yrs since then and I never in a thousand years thought we'd do it again or that I'd get to be pregnant with my sister, who's on her second. 

My bestie! Prayed with me for a year about my desire to have another baby when the odds weren't looking in my favor;) encouraged me and was an example to me as a mom, friend, and running pregnant which challenged me to do the same and stay in the best shape ever for this little girl- 

And Laurie, who opened her home and heart to host this blessed event and made us feel welcomed and spoiled! 

Thank you everyone, I will forever cherish this day and these memories. 

God bless and enjoy your summer! 

Prednisone free!

As many of you know Judah my 11 yr old son was diagnosed with Nuphrotics Syndrome this past November. We were told so much information in such a little amount of time all we knew for sure to do was Pray. 

When we left the hospital we had a few instructions and details to change in our family and daily lives : 

1- LOW SODIUM DIET 

I'm going to nicely tell you right now that MANY people gave their opinions and showed us their low sodium diets and it was a JOKE! Low sodium is not what you read on the front of the box, it's a serious life change and grocery budget killer! 

2- NO SCHOOL OR CHURCH for a season. Judahs immune system was shot and was going to be such for a season while on the prednisone. Meaning that the common cold of flue was said to put him in the hospital or even kill him. Our only choice was to seperate him the best we could till we knew we were in the clear and he was strong enough to fight the germs. So for three months we home schooled and watched TCC live stream from our couch. Thankful for technology we were able to stay connected. 

3- SCALES AND DIPS

Judah now had to be weighed daily and have a urine dip screen from home to monitor his levels. This isn't hard it's just another step to be taken. 

4- FLUID RESTRICTION 

you don't realize how much you want dorm thing till you can't have it. Because his kidneys couldn't process correctly his fluid was spilling into his body causing swelling, so part of this process is to restrict any and all fluids to very little a day. 

5-MAJOR EMOTIONS/SIDE EFFECTS

 Prednisone is a super strong steroid that does its job and kills good in its wake. We had emotions all over the joint, and because of the high dose we also had to add eye check ups every three months for preventative care, along side the kidney check ups. PUFFY cheeks. Wowza tell an 11yr old boy that his face and body will swell up and people will stare and friends will question why. He was and is a trooper and honestly handled it all so well with grace and peace that I believe family support and the Lords grace took major parts in. 

I bring all this up to say: JUDAH IS NOW PREDNISONE FREE! We've been on a slow decline (taper) since his release and although they told us to prepare for him to be in and out with relapse, he has had NOT A SINGLE ONE! He has maintained his diet, controlled his kidneys, held his head up, and stuck with it. As a family we changed the way we live life on the go, no more fast food (special occasions only) healthier and more active than before we have grown so much as a family unit and have learned to stick together and lift each other up. Judah will out grow this and he will be comepletely healed, for now he is off meds and looks amazing! And I'm super proud of him!;) 

 We are never alone when Gods on our side! Stick with it, doctors are a wonderful help to us along side of prayer and believing. Have a BLESSED DAY! 

As the months go on....

When I started running a few years back I read up on all the magazine articles and would changed my diet or way of attack accordingly. When my best friend got pregnant and she was reading up on all the pregnant running tips and techniques I was following her crazy self through pregnancy while running, I was shocked and amazed and dumb founded,often on what our bodies can and will do when taken care of correctly. She motivated me to do pregnancy differently if I was to ever be given that blessed chance again... 

And here we are! 

This is where I want to take you to giggle land. I can barely look at myself this am as its Saturday (my long run day) except SERIOUSLY let's be real, my long runs range from 3-5 mls these days.aghhhhh... However I hear this sweet annoying voice in my head (my best friend) telling me it's ok! " Your one of the 10% of pregnant people that run!" "You can do it, just one week at a time" or " remember you listen to your body and baby and you can be done when you need to be done" 

All of these are true! All of these are wonderful encouraging, uplifting, piles of ... Hahahah 

have you ever ran with an extra 20-30 lbs attached to the front of your body? HOLY FREEKING COW! Yes COW!! That's what I feel like. Utters to Timbuck-Too, a belly the size of a beast, and feet and calves that ache and complaine after every adventure out. 

I used to wake up 15 min before a run, brush my teeth, grab my clothes, grab a banana and head out the door. 

Now 32wks pregnant I set my alarm for  AN HOUR ahead of time, ROLL out of bed, yes ROLL, cause we pregnant people arnt suppose to use all our stomache muscles ensuring we don't tear them?! So I roll out of bed, slowly brush my teeth and get dressed, grab a bowl of oatmeal, ( let's add here this is another 10 min process of cooking real oatmeal) and of course a small glass of water and a cup of caffeine. This is a whole flipping production and full breakfast?! How the heck can a person run with all that in their stomache?  OH let's add the tiny glass of orange juice that yells at me to drink it also! 

 Then while all that is cooking and waiting I have the privilege of KT taping my shins that hurt so bad some runs I have tears in my eyes. Due to what I believe is me waiting to long for new shoes and running with extra weight.. So here is my next production line step: 

New nike shoes: KT tape: phone band: and all together we get what I believe is the GOOFIEST thing running down the road anybody has ever seen! 

PRODUCTION!! It's insaine what goes into getting this running, milking, cow out the door and onto pavement.

BUT......but, I wouldn't trade it. This has been the most inspiring thing I've done since last years triatholon. My kids get to see their mom stay healthy, take care of baby, and be an example of TRYING. I have really GOOD running days and I have really BAD running days and I have days when I can't run at all! But I'm moving,I'm up, and I'm going, and most days I feel amazing for it! Keep it up moms- don't stop- walk it out- be encouraged- do your thing! 

Sincere heart

Last night when I was tucking the kids in bed, my 8 yr old daughter grabbed my kneck and held on tight as she started to speak with tears in her eyes. 

"Mommy I'm so very grateful for all that you do, you love us so much and I love you. And God loves us even more! You are a wonderful mommy."

I told her that mommies need to hear that every once in a while and that she just filled my heart so much. We talked about just how Amazing Gods love is for us and  how Big it is and we will never really truly understand it. 

She began to thank me AGAIN, for God answering our prayers about having another baby and then when He answered her prayers and it was a girl. 

I walked away knowing, that this year in my daughters life she has seen Gods hand in a way that she is understanding His love for her. That her desires and hearts prayers matter to Him. 

She followed her daddy into her brothers room and shared a similar heart with them, when I came in they were finishing their prayer time together and my oldest son Judah said with tears in His eyes "mom can I pray for the baby?" I said of course you can... So he prayed protection and health and wholeness and Gods timing on her delivery. 

My youngest son then wanted to pray too- his 5 yr old heart came out and he prayed his best big brother prayer over his little unborn baby sister, that she would not being bullied and that he'd love her FOREVER and protect her everyday. 

I have to tell you I went to bed with a very full Love tank and a peace in my spirit that only God can give. My children are learning how to trust God, in the big things and in the daily living of life. This is the greatest gift we could ask for. 

-Be praying with your kids, speaking with them about the Lord, they won't learn what they need to know about Him by attending a 30 min class once a week at Sunday school. They learn by watching and listening, and doing. Be an example, be real before them just as you should be before the Lord.... Let them see how much our Heavenly Father cares for us and wants to sit and talk with us. He LOVES us sooooo much that at our greatest and softest we can't touch how much His love is for us. 

This baby will be entering my family soon.  A family that desired her and prayed for her years before she actualy came about. I know that we are learning so much together because of her and what she will be in our family. We are determined, and crazy, and funny, and BUSY, and loving, and we love her already! 

God bless you today! 

 

Malachi and mommy

As a parent our days are LONG.... But as a stay at home mom I believe my days are a blessing. And these are a few of the moments I get to be apart of because of it. 

Baseball games in the rain.

Kitty cat play dates at friends houses 

Stealing moms phone for a selfie! 

Crashing on the couch just because! 

He's the baby and even though we are expecting number in a matter of weeks I feel like he'll always be my baby boy, my Ky, my best buddie. We've had to much alone time for him not to be. Words can't express how much being his mom means to me or how it feels. They grow so fast and I just want it to slow down! 

I love you my buggy...... 

Moms day out

Ok let's be real, EVERY mom needs some alone time. And I'm not saying grocery shopping without kids, I mean ME time! It's needed, it's how we refuel and get ready for the next dayssssss. Well over the last year or so I have taken this responsibility seriously and have also seen the wonderful effects of my alone time. Ok by alone I mean with my Best friend or friends. By alone I mean WITHOUT KIDS OR SPOUCES. 

So as my friend and I were out shopping with our combined three kids and a pregnant belly ( two of my kids were in school) my youngest at the time, 5yr old Ky announces he has to go potty, then OOPS I need to go again, then Mom I have to go potty again! All three bathroom trips while shopping at Ross and in less than 15 min. I decided it's time to call this trip OVER. I have a feeling this will not end well if we keep on. So we climb back into the car. by climb I mean take 10 min to buckle and fit my belly into the crowded three car seat middle of the small suv, and we're off towards home, skipping the lunch at Taco Bell we had planned THANK GOD! Because less than half way home this same said 5yr old announces he doesn't feel so good, and we ask "do you need to go potty again or does your tummy hurt?" His tummy hurts he says, ok I'm a little nervous but it'll be ok,right? NO!!!! 

One minute later he is vomiting all over himself, the car, he can't stop! Driver has pulled over on the side of the busy country hwy and I, mom who am pregnant, am also now gagging and slightly throwing up due to said belly baby as I'm grabbing him and his vomit covered body out of the car as FAST as I can. Now he anonouces he needs to go potty too! 

OH....MY.....GOODNESS.....  this has to be the worst thing ever! So I wrap his naked shaking, sick body in my best friends cardigan ( the only piece of clothing left in the whole car NOT covered in vomit) and I carry him 30yrds to the woods at the side of the road and help him go potty .  Ok, now we know we have to get back in the car drive another 15-20 min home and get this kid in the bath.

 Mean while baby screaming in car seat, toddler asking why Kys crying, best friend is cleaning Her car of all vomit and I am helping little sick barely standing boy back in the car;( 

Poor guy, worst sick story of my mom life and I've experienced some whoppers.  Needless to say a day down and some hydration ahead I had to share my oh so true life event with you all. 

 

I must tell you though, that before all this I was able to purchase the desired nursery rug for baby number four! So it's kind of a win for the day?! 

Good night and God bless! 

Father of mine

 I've contiplated writing this many times and I'll be saving it when I'm done before I post just to be sure. Please excuse the fact that will probably be jumpy and LONG. But it's one of the biggest stories of my life. I wanted to write about a journey I had a few years back, that shook my whole world and left me closer to my father than ever before.  

 When I was 10 years old I remember my mom asking me to come sit outside and talk to her, I had NO CLUE what was coming.... She continued to tell me that the man I had grown to know as my father was in fact NOT my biological dad. I can't tell you all the details from that day cause I honestly don't remember them. What I do remember is being so overcome with questions and instability that it has taken me over 20 years to be completely OK with myself, my story, and my father. 

I was a good teenager in my opinion:) didn't get into trouble, didn't party, do drugs, drink or hang with people that did. I had crushes and LOTS of them, but growing up in a Christian home and attending 12 years at a private small town Christian school kept me in a bubble of protection and grace. Obviously I wasn't perfect and I kissed the boys and held their hands and I LONGED  for affection and attention. By the time I was in HS I barely talked with my parents outside of the bare minimum " hi, how are you, how was your day, did you win the game?" We were two ships passing in the wind... And I knew i was lost, looking for love and a mans affection.  I say all this because I KNOW it matters. Every younge women, little girl, teen, needs a Godly man in her life to validate her, lift her up, protect her and teach her what a respectful man looks like. 

Somehow, (by Gods grace alone) I fell in love with and married my HS sweet heart. He's a godly man who loves me and the family we have created. He is the definition of the father I could only dream of for our daughters and sons. 

Throughout the years of my life dreamt and wrote letters and considered what my biological father would be like, look like, act like. Did he know me? Did he miss me? Did he look for me? Questions I never felt like I had the freedom to ask growing up and it left me with a huge open whole! A big part of me was missing answers and with each child I had the privilege of birthing I felt like those questions grew and grew. Do they look like Him? Is he tall? Is he healthy?   

I was given His name and rough age range by my mother as the years had gone on, so every other year or so I would try an online search or call system that always got me to a page where I had to pay money to go further, money I didn't have and didn't want to spend on the unknown. 

December 2009, I realize in a random thought that Facebook is where people reconnect all the time!! It's how families stay connected and people stay in contact. So I had my mom look, find, and write a message to the man behind the story. 

-SHE FOUND HIM

-HE DIDNT RESPOND

- my dreams were crushed!!

Then it accured to me, maybe he doesn't get on Facebook very often, maybe he's married or has kids that do? I found this said wife, and messaged her, less than 10 min later I received a message back! 

- HOLY FREEK OUT MOMENT!!

- HE WAS REAL! 

She asked if they could call and talk ? I thought I was gana have a panic attack, I'm not sure I didn't have one. I responded and he called! We talked for over an hour, he answered every question I ever had, he told me about his life and how absolutely different it was from the home God had given me. I realized then that the Lord had placed me right where I belonged! That His plans were so much higher than my plans. 

Bio dad and I made the best out of a very long and distant relationship and for three years we called, texted, face-booked, and made plans for a face to face visit . But in those three years I also learned more about my life, my bio dad, my mom, and my father here in my life. I came to respect the decisions he had made for me, the things He did to fight for me, and thanked the Lord for placing me with my family dispite the loss I felt for so long. 

Last spring exactly a year ago, bio dad called and said he was coming! Bought his plain ticket and this was going to happen. 

- PANICK AGAIN

- IM NOT READY FOR THIS! 

But even through my fears I knew God was with me, my husband was beside me, and God had a plan. I trusted Him and prayed everyday for His peace to overwhelm me. I had decided that this was a make or brake point in our relationship and in my life. Being torn between respecting and learning to love a man who gave me life vs a man who raised me and gave me a home. I couldnt help but constantly feel torn between the two. 

The week of bio dads arrival we confirmed his reservations at a near by b&b and our plans to get to know each other then introduce my family and friends. We had a PLAN. 

The Morning of the event he doesn't get on his plain, he doesn't text, he doesn't call, he doesn't explain, he doesn't COME! 

I've not heard from Him once, no explanation, BUT..... I have what I need. My family, my father, and MOST of all I have and always have had my HEAVENLY FATHER! He never abandoned me, He never left me, He was always there, always had me surrounded with faithful friends and family. He placed me in a godly home, in a godly school, with a godly man. 

So many crazy things have happened in my life and my parents are not married anymore I have other siblings and Inlaws, and step parents. I've gained and lost someone I always thought I needed only to realize everything and everyone I ever needed I ALREADY HAD! 

I was hurt, I cried a little, being abandoned as a child and again as an adult hurt, but I was never alone. And eithe rare you! 

I don't know who this might reach or if anyone but me needed to read it, but God knows who we are, what we need, where we will go and how to get us there. He will never leave you or forsake you! Lean on Him, trust Him, and know He will make the path straight, He will make a way. 

My kids were saved from the pain of this loss and experience because the Lord had me keep them seperate from it from day one. I've learned to hear His voice on my families behalf and to trust He sees more than I do.  Be blessed today and for always- 

YOU

- Your job starts at 1am and it ends at 1am. Meaning of course IT NEVER ENDS! 

- you hear every little breathe and sound and you respond to the ones that need you. 

- you pray and care and worry ALL the time and never stop. 

- you are constantly thinking of creative ways to make memories and you do everything you can to make them happen. 

- your a taxi cab 24hrs a day

- you are a chef at every meal and snack time

- your a laundry mat and housekeeper

- you kiss the boo boos and sing the lullabies 

- your the doctor and nurse and puke bucket some times

 You constantly feel like it's not enough and don't have the energy sometimes but you know this is the best and most important job anyone could possibly have. It's the most rewarding and energy draining thing there is. YOU are a rockstar! You are gods gift to your family and the mother He chose for your kids. YOU have the gifts and talents those kids need and HE chose you! 

So when your down, tired, drained, or exhausted. When you don't know what to do or what to say you just remember the Lord chose you and He wanted you for your family! There are hard days but there are extraordinary days too, you'll get through them and you'll reach those hearts, just ask for wisdom and guidance from our Lord and His word. Keep your head up, you've got this momma! 

Change wars$$$$

This week at CCS, my kids school, they had spirit week in honor of raising money for Twonga a younge African girl. Each year the school adopts a student and raises money in different ways to send to her and her family. Here are most of the dress days minus Pajama day. 

Tourist day- 

Disney day- 

Favorite team day- 

Black out/white out day- for ky he chose grey:) 

To end the week the school held a "pie a senior day" for $1.00 you could pie your favorite senior and pay for as many as you'd like. My kids have an uncle (Jordan) and a cousin (Miranda) plus many different TA's and friends to choose from. Here are a few of the fun pics and messy faces. 

Great event for a great cause! Thanks CCS seniors for being good sports, we love you and all you stand for and do- blessings from the Syphard family.